This time....last year.

This time last year was when everything started to go down-hill. It had been slowly building toward this for awhile, but nothing could have prepared me for what I saw a year ago this very day.

My Happy Daddy was the most wonderful man on earth. He was such a gentleman and was the best grandfather that any person could ask for. He loved my grandmother with such verocity that he knew he had to go before she did....he couldn't live without her.

I brought Happy Daddy a Coke that day (he loved Coke) and I stopped by the kitchen at the nursing home and had them thicken it (he could have aspirated anything thinner). He sat up in his bed and grabbed that Coke and was really dowing it. He loved it! About 5 minutes later, the strongest man I ever knew was gone. I believe that in this small window of time, that he had a stroke. He turned into a different person....lost his dignity, which was prehaps the hardest thing to witness. He had already had documents drawn up requesting that he not be placed on a feeding tube. We put him on Hospice and wondered how long it would take. Little did we know that it wouldn't take long.

That night, one year ago, my Mom and I sat on the floor beside his bed (it had to be lowered to the floor b/c they were afraid he would try to get out and fall). Happy Daddy had ahold of my Mom's hand to the right and mine to the left. He would squeeze our hands every now and again and look down and smile at us. We sat there for hours and hours.....wishing that time would stand still, but knowing that it was a selfish wish.

We called in all the family and Mother and Happy Daddy's room was packed the next day. He was unconscience the entire time except to tell me to tell Mother that he loved her. We had a blessed day with our family that day.

The last of the family left the room about 10 minutes before he died. No one knew it would be that soon. But, as I mentioned, he was a gentleman and I do believe that he waited for us to leave before he would go. He never would have wanted to burden us by having us witness his death, although it was a burden that I would have taken on in a minute (and so would most of my family).

6 weeks to the day later, we lost my grandmother. I was with Mother when she passed and it was peaceful and beautiful, but haunting to this day.

They are together now. They feel no pain, Happy Daddy walks straight and tall and Mother is right beside him, holding his hand.

There is a song that talks about not crying for those we have lost, but cry for those left behind. That is so true. We are the ones that spend our lives missing our loved ones.

This time last year, I could hold his hand and talk to him.....now I will visit their gravesite, where my own precious baby is buried at the head of Happy Daddy's grave and cry.

I miss them both so much.

Ahhh...the calm before another storm...

Well, here I am at work. I actually have nothing to do from now until 1:40pm (now is 11:54am). I love these kinds of days:-) Of course, I have my after school tutoring job until 5:30pm, but NO ONE HAS ANY GAMES OR PRACTICES! Yes, you read that right. We can actually go home at 5:30pm. Thus comes the calm before the storm. I intend on getting my house in order before the actual storm arrives (the storm being softball, where 'Lil Red travels, and t-ball, where Blondie does not).

Yesterday it was so nice outside that I yearned for spring! I had all of my windows open and my kids spent a good 12 hours playing outside, climbing trees, playing on the swingset, playing with sidewalk chalk, riding bikes and of course, building a dam in our creek. I SO wish I could be a kid again. I fixed breakfast, lunch, and dinner, broke up arguments (which were few, thankfully), washed load after load after load of laundry and ran the dishwasher twice. I was also able to declutter a few of my clutter zones. I have several clutter zones that I need to get rid of. I get so sick of losing things because I put them in a safe place...LOL! It's not safe if I can't find it!

Blondie (who is in kindy, but on a 4th grade level at age 5), forgot to tell me that she had homework, so as my girls ate their breakfast in the van on the way to work/school, Blondie also did her homework. You would think that being a teacher, I would have thought to ask a 5 year old about homework. It's not like she has the emotional level of a 4th grader. Luckily, though, my actual 4th grader (who is on a 9th grade level) did her homework without me even asking:-)

We are going to COSI (a science center) on Saturday with Blondie's Daisy troop (I'm also taking 'Lil Red and 2 of her friends), but other than that....this week seems pretty easy....

I'm going to go now so I can knock on wood.......

Waiting on spring...

Well, we weathered the ice storm (no pun intended) and it's actually 70 degrees outside. Of course, I'm subbing for the gym teacher, so I'm in a room with no windows and can't enjoy it. Glad to have the job though:-)

Megan's basketball season is officially over. They lost last night, so no more tournament play and my kids can get back to being able to be in bed by 8pm (not 12am as we happening). We have softball try-outs tomorrow though, so it keeps on keeping on.

Livie gets to play t-ball this year!!!! I'm so excited for her! She is gonna have so much fun. I feel bad that we are so wrapped up in Megan that we don't take the time for Livie like we did with Megan. When Megan played t-ball for the first time, you would've though it was major leauge baseball! Now, since Megan will be on a traveling team, I'll be lucky to make it to all of Livie's games. I love her so much and I really feel like I'm cheating her. She wanted me to coach her team (I coached Megan's t-ball team), but I can't be tied to that with Megan traveling. Why does it have to be one or the other? ARGGGG!!!!! My mother-in-law has said that she will help out with Livie, but it's just not the same as having Mommy there, ya know? I'm blessed and thankful for her help, but I want to be able to do it all. SUPER MOMMY POWERS.....WHERE ARE YOU?????

Megan will turn 10 in about 2 weeks. It seems like yesterday that I was awaiting her arrival. I was 20....now I'm 30 and she's hitting the double digits...we've come a long way, baby!

Well, I have a 2nd grade class coming in in 3 minutes, so I need to wrap it up......more later!

A

Ahh...finally figured it out!

My word! I haven't blogged in forever because I forgot the username and password I have this set to. That's a sign that I have way too many things going on on the computer.

Right now I'm at work and teaching 5th grade. Don't worry, I'm not so much of a slacker that I'm blogging while I should be educating....the kids are at activity (art today) and so I have some free time....at least for the next 20 minutes.

Our Christmas went very well. We had a 70 degree day shortly after Christmas at which time I was able to take down all of our outside lights....I certainly wasn't going to do it when it was cold and snowy (like it is now) and I didn't want them to stay up till Feb. like they did last year. Unfortunately, our tree is still up....yep....and that's something I usually don't slack on. Years ago, I got in the habit of taking the tree down the day after Christmas because I was in college and I needed everything to be back in its place before the new quarter started. It usually took from Christmas till then just to get 'Lil Red's toys all organized. Ahhh...the old days. One little one and a full-time college schedule was a lot easier than two little ones and a full-time work schedule. Oh well.

I have tons of thoughts I've been filing away in my head thinking that I needed to blog them before I lost them. I'll have to take the time to try to put them down another time (when I'm at home).